The Stages of Grooming in Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation: Understanding the Patterns of Betrayal and Abuse

"Grooming is the calculated manipulation of trust — a slow, deliberate erosion of boundaries that leaves the victim doubting themselves and defending the very person who harmed them."

Sexual exploitation by clergy is a betrayal of trust that goes far beyond a personal moral failing. When a clergy member uses their spiritual authority to manipulate, coerce, or pressure an adult into sexual activity, it constitutes Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation (also known as Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse). This term emphasises the violation of trust, power, and ethical responsibility, making it clear that this is not merely a private failing, or “affair”, but an abuse of position and influence.

Adults often seek out clergy for pastoral care, counselling, or spiritual guidance during times of vulnerability—times of grief, crisis, spiritual confusion, or relational distress. In these moments of openness and vulnerability, the clergy member holds immense influence. If the spiritual leader expresses interest in exploring a romantic or physical relationship, even if the adult appears to offer 'consent,' this consent is influenced by an inherent power imbalance, meaning the relationship is shaped by manipulation and spiritual coercion.

Recent research has highlighted that grooming tactics are not exclusive to the abuse of children. In fact, studies like Jeglic and Winters' (2023) case study show that many of the grooming strategies used against children, such as trust-building, secrecy, boundary violations, and emotional manipulation, are also present when adults are groomed and exploited by those in trusted positions.

Similarly, Elliott’s (2021) Self-Regulation Model of Sexual Grooming identifies grooming of adults that is an intentional, goal-driven process where the offender regulates their actions to achieve compliance without detection. These insights demonstrate that adult sexual grooming, especially in clergy abuse contexts, follows recognisable and purposeful patterns.

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The Seven Stages of Grooming in Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation

One clear way to understand the grooming process in Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation is through the Seven Stages of Grooming described by Grant Sinnamon (2023):

1. Identify: Recognising Vulnerability – Predators begin by identifying individuals who are vulnerable in some way that they can exploit. These vulnerabilities may be emotional, psychological, or situational, creating an opening for manipulation.

For example, a spiritual leader identifies a congregant who is experiencing a personal crisis—perhaps a marital problem, or doubts about their faith. The predator sees this emotional vulnerability as an opportunity to provide “spiritual guidance,” while subtly drawing the person closer under the guise of care and concern. The victim’s need for comfort or answers makes them susceptible to manipulation.

2. Observe: Gathering Insights – The predator takes time to observe and understand the target’s needs, desires, and weaknesses. This insight allows them to strategise on how to fulfil these needs in a way that ultimately serves their own interests.

For example, the spiritual leader takes note of the individual’s emotional state, their fears, desires, and even their spiritual struggles. They may observe the person’s social isolation or emotional instability. The predator may begin to offer “spiritual counsel” or support that directly meets these concerns, further establishing themselves as a trusted figure in the victim’s life.

3. Build Trust: Establishing a Connection – The predator begins to insert themselves into the target’s life, using the information they’ve gathered to build trust. They may create an exclusive bond with the target, sharing secrets or personal information to deepen the relationship and blur boundaries.

For example, the spiritual leader gradually spends more one-on-one time with the congregant, creating a bond based on “confidentiality” and shared personal insights. They may offer seemingly deep and personal spiritual wisdom, sharing their own struggles to appear relatable. The predator may make the victim feel that only they can provide the spiritual guidance the victim needs, using shared secrets or special prayer sessions to strengthen their emotional bond.

4. Gain Credibility: Fulfilling Needs – The predator uses the trust they’ve built to position themselves as someone who can help. They may offer emotional support or fulfil personal needs in a way that makes them appear indispensable. This process further establishes the predator as a “true friend” or confidant.

For example, the spiritual leader establishes themselves as an essential figure in the victim's spiritual life, making themselves more accessible and encouraging the victim to confide in them about anything. They promise to provide guidance through personal struggles, fulfilling the victim's emotional and spiritual needs. Over time, an intense emotional dependence forms, and victim beings to feel that they cannot navigate their life without their support. The predator may also position themselves as the sole person capable of helping the victim resolve spiritual doubts or confusion.

5. Isolate: Priming for Manipulation – Once credibility is established, the predator works to isolate the target from potential sources of support, like friends or family, who may interfere with their plans. They aim to increase emotional dependence while normalising inappropriate behaviour, gradually eroding the target’s boundaries.

For example, once the spiritual leader has gained the victim’s trust, they begin to isolate the victim from others in the congregation or spiritual community who may question the relationship. The predator might subtly discourage the victim from seeking support from others, casting doubt on the intentions of those outside their influence. They might suggest that only the predator truly understands the victim's struggles, creating a sense of dependency. Additionally, the victim could be kept so busy with church-related activities, volunteering for roles, or attending events that they have little time to connect with others outside of the church. This increasing psycho-emotional dependence makes the victim more susceptible to further manipulation, as the predator continues to blur the lines of appropriateness, slowly desensitising them to escalating forms of intimacy.

6. Initiate: Introducing Sexual Contact – The predator transitions from innocent, playful behaviours to more overtly sexual gestures. As the target becomes more desensitised to these actions, the predator exploits their vulnerabilities to cross into full sexual exploitation, escalating the manipulation into a harmful sexual relationship.

For example, the spiritual leader may begin to introduce inappropriate behaviour, disguised as “spiritual intimacy” or “sacred connection.” They might touch the victim’s arm or legs during prayer, offer long hugs after counselling sessions, or make remarks that blur the lines between spiritual closeness and physical affection. These actions gradually escalate, and the victim, having been conditioned by the trust and emotional connection, might not immediately recognise the behaviour as inappropriate. The predator uses the emotional and spiritual power they have over the victim to manipulate them into a sexualised situation.

7. Control: Maintaining Domination – The predator now seeks to solidify their control over the victim. They may use tactics like secrecy, shame, guilt, threats, or promises of rewards to maintain the victim’s compliance. This ensures the continuation of the exploitative relationship.

For example, as the abusive relationship intensifies, the predator might use spiritual manipulation to maintain control. They could use scripture, guilt, or threats of spiritual consequence to ensure the victim remains compliant. For instance, the predator may tell the victim that they are “chosen” for this special relationship. Or they may lead the victim to feel the sexual acts they have performed are their fault, and use their guilt and shame to motivate them to remain silent. They might also isolate the victim further from others in the faith community, reinforcing their control and ensuring the secrecy of the abuse. This keeps the victim entangled in the relationship, feeling emotionally and spiritually bound.

Each of these stages reflects intentional strategies that deepen the perpetrator’s control while increasing the adult’s confusion, shame, and entrapment.

A diagram of this model can be found here: https://images.app.goo.gl/ryAFgYiKGYwL

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What Happens When There Is Fractured Trust, and the Victim Withdraws

Based on Sinnamon’s (2023) model, if the predator's efforts are interrupted or if trust begins to break down, this can lead to fractured trust. In some cases, the predator may abandon the target temporarily, or they may revert back to earlier stages of the grooming process to rebuild trust and re-establish their control. This process of "reversion" can often trap the victim in a cycle of emotional dependence and manipulation for many years. Even if the victim attempts to break free, the predator's return to earlier stages of grooming can make it difficult for the victim to recognise the ongoing abuse, leaving them vulnerable to repeated manipulation and control. This emotional cycle can keep victims stuck in an exploitative relationship, even long after the abusive acts have occurred.

Drawing on Elliott’s (2021) Self-Regulation Model, we see how perpetrators carefully self-monitor, adjusting their tactics to maintain the grooming process while minimising their risk of exposure. This highlights that clergy exploitation of adults is not impulsive or accidental — it is a structured and manipulative process.

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Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation as a Form of Coercive Control

Adult clergy sexual exploitation is not merely about inappropriate relationships; it is a profound form of coercive control. Coercive control refers to a persistent pattern of controlling, manipulative, and intimidating behaviours that are designed to strip a person of their autonomy and sense of self. In the context of faith communities, this dynamic is particularly powerful because the spiritual leader is often seen as a trusted guide, moral authority, and representative of divine will.

When a spiritual leader exploits their position to initiate a sexual or romantic relationship, they often use subtle and overt tactics to manipulate, isolate, and dominate the adult involved. The grooming process itself serves as a form of coercive control, gradually breaking down boundaries, normalising inappropriate behaviour, and fostering dependency. Even if the adult appears to "consent," that consent is compromised by the spiritual leader’s position of authority and the psychological pressure exerted through manipulation and spiritual coercion.

Understanding adult clergy sexual exploitation through the lens of coercive control helps to emphasise that these relationships are not simply "affairs" or "poor decisions" — they are systematic abuses of power that can leave lasting emotional, psychological, and spiritual harm. It also highlights the need for communities and institutions to be vigilant and responsive, recognising the signs of coercive control and taking steps to protect vulnerable individuals.

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The Impact of Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation

Survivors of Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation often experience complex trauma, including symptoms of PTSD, depression, spiritual distress, self-blame, and relational difficulties. Their suffering is compounded by the spiritual betrayal: the distortion of sacred trust leaves deep wounds not only emotionally, but also in their relationship with faith, community, and self-worth.

It is crucial that churches and faith-based organisations stop using minimising language such as "affair" or "inappropriate relationship" to describe such cases. These terms mask the inherent power imbalance and the predatory nature of the clergy member’s actions.

This is not an affair; it is exploitation. It is a profound betrayal of professional, spiritual, and relational trust.

Find more information on the impacts of adult clergy sexual exploitation here:

To protect adults in faith communities, institutions must:

• Strengthen education on power dynamics and boundary violations, including in seminaries and foundational training for spiritual leaders in all denominations.

• Create safe, independent reporting pathways through robust safeguarding efforts.

• Establish clear, enforceable standards of clergy conduct, which are reflected in canons and codes of conduct.

• Provide survivor-centred support responses to those affected by this form of exploitation.

  
  

Naming the grooming process, understanding the stages, and acknowledging the devastating impact of Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation are critical steps in creating safer communities and pursuing justice for survivors.

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References

• Sinnamon, G. (2023). The Psychology of Adult Sexual Grooming: Sinnamon’s Seven-Stage Model of Adult Sexual Grooming. Bond University, Gold Coast, QLD, Australia; Bela Menso Brain and Behaviour Centre, Varsity Lakes, QLD, Australia.

• Jeglic, E. L., & Winters, G. (2023). Adult Sexual Grooming: A Case Study. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse.

• Elliott, I. A. (2021). A Self-Regulation Model of Sexual

Grooming. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse.

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