The Hidden Harm: Understanding Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation and the Vulnerabilities of Survivors

“Any exercise of sexuality that violates appropriate vulnerability is wrong.” – Dr. Stephen de Weger

When we think of professional misconduct within faith communities, what often comes to mind are the more visible and heinous abuses involving children. But a quieter, more complex form of harm exists—one that has been harder to name, is often misunderstood, and is frequently dismissed: clergy sexual exploitation against adults (otherwise known as adult clergy sexual abuse). As survivors begin to share their stories and researchers like Dr. Stephen de Weger give voice to these experiences, we are finally gaining clearer definitions, frameworks, and language for the profound violation that occurs when trust is abused by spiritual authority. The following draws from Dr. Weger’s (2022) article and presentation (2022), and other research.

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A Breach of Sacred Trust

The Hippocratic Oath, dating back to 400 BC, reminds us that those in helping professions have always held the responsibility of protecting the vulnerable. “I will abstain from all intentional wrongdoing... especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman.” This oath highlights that the ethical weight and responsibility to maintain the integrity of the relationship lies squarely on the shoulders of the professional, not the one who seeks help. The professional is the one who is responsible for ensuring that adequate boundaries are maintained to ensure that the professional relationship serves the needs of the client or congregant.

When clergy act in the role of spiritual director, confessor, advisor, counsellor, or pastoral caregiver, they are bound by a sacred trust. They are approached during times of vulnerability—grief, trauma, crisis of faith, mental health challenges, or relational turmoil. To introduce a romantic or sexual element into that context, whether subtly or overtly, is not just inappropriate. It is an abuse of power. It is a form of sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse.

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Consent, Coercion, and Power Imbalance

Can adults consent? Legally, yes. But in ministerial contexts, where one party holds institutional, spiritual, and psychological power, so-called “consent” is often murky, shaped by trauma, transference, countertransference, misplaced trust, or the desperate longing for comfort and safety.

Even if an adult seems willing, it is always the responsibility of the clergy professional to maintain boundaries. Power imbalance in these helping relationships eliminates the possibility of free, uncoerced consent. As Tobin and Hedge (2013) assert, if a cleric knows of someone’s emotional dependence and still engages sexually with them, they are taking advantage of that authority—no matter how the interaction is framed.

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Adult Sexual Grooming Isn’t Always Obvious

Contrary to common assumptions, adult victims of clergy sexual misconduct are not “willing participants” in consensual affairs. Many survivors describe experiences that involved grooming—subtle manipulation, spiritual coercion, romantic deception, or the misuse of pastoral authority. Often, the victims were unaware of the situation they were being drawn into until they had developed deep emotional, psychological, and spiritual dependence on the abusive clergy. The following mechanisms contributed to victims being lured into a manipulative dynamic they did not expect when they sought support:

1. Gradual Grooming: Abuse often escalates slowly, making it difficult for victims to identify when the relationship shifted from care to manipulation.

2. Spiritual Manipulation: The clergy member's authority can blur a victim's perception, making it difficult to recognize the situation as abuse. Victims often believe they are receiving spiritual guidance, especially during times of confusion or crisis. Their defences are lowered, as they trust the leader’s intentions, assuming they have their best interests at heart.

3. Fear others won’t believe them or will blame them: Victims often fear they won't be believed when they seek help. They are aware that they may experience shame and guilt and believe they will be blamed, leading them to keep silent.

4. Reverence for Spiritual Leaders: Deep respect for spiritual leaders can prevent victims and the community from recognising abuse. When a victim speaks out, others may dismiss their concerns, thinking they are misinterpreting the situation, exaggerating, or fabricating the events. This reverence can create a barrier to acknowledging the abuse and holding the perpetrator accountable.

As Dr. Weger and others argue, the Church’s definitions, canons, and codes of conduct must grow to include these nuanced forms of abuse. Grooming of adults, spiritual manipulation, and coercive control in spiritual contexts deserve distinct recognition, not only as misconduct but as expressions of abuse.

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How Previous Sexual Abuse Can Make Individuals More Susceptible to Clergy Exploitation

Research shows that many survivors of later abuse have experienced sexual abuse earlier in life, which can create psychological vulnerabilities. A key concept in understanding this is schema chemistry (Young, 2003). This refers to the deeply ingrained cognitive patterns—schemas—that develop from past trauma, shaping how individuals perceive relationships and trust. For survivors, these schemas often associate love or affection with harm, manipulation and dominance, which can prime them to overlook or normalise abusive behaviour in future relationships with those in authority.

Additionally, priming plays a role in how survivors react to power dynamics (Bargh & Chartrand, 1999). Those who have experienced abuse may be subconsciously "primed" to accept manipulative behaviours or to doubt their own instincts, or responding in particular ways (e.g., freezing or fawning), making them more susceptible to further exploitation. Perpetrators can exploit these vulnerabilities, using the survivor's conditioned responses to manipulate their trust, self-worth, and sense of safety.

Moreover, psychological mechanisms like cognitive dissonance often play a role (Festinger, 1957). Cognitive dissonance refers to the psychological discomfort that arises when a person holds two conflicting beliefs or attitudes simultaneously. In the context of clergy sexual misconduct, victims may experience dissonance between their trust in the spiritual leader and the harmful behaviour they are experiencing. To reduce this discomfort, they may rationalise the abuse, convincing themselves that it aligns with their beliefs or that it’s somehow justified. This can lead to minimising or denying the harm done, as the victim tries to reconcile their faith in the leader with the abusive actions. This can result in staying in toxic environments or continuing to trust individuals who have previously harmed them.

As Margaret Kennedy (2003) wisely notes, a history of abuse doesn’t make someone weak—it makes them human. When someone is willing to exploit that human vulnerability, the risk of re-victimisation grows dramatically. Recognising these dynamics is key in offering compassionate, trauma-informed support to survivors.

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Understanding “Appropriate Vulnerability” vs. "Forced Vulnerability"

Dr. Stephen de Weger (2022) offers a critical insight into the concept of vulnerability within human relationships and, more specifically, in sexual and spiritual contexts. His exploration is based on the work of Tobin and Hedge (2013). He explains that appropriate vulnerability is an essential and sacred aspect of human sexuality, one that should be shared between equals in a space of mutual respect and trust.

However, forced vulnerability occurs when this sacred space is violated, and one individual is manipulated into a position where their vulnerability is exploited for personal gain. The person in authority is not approaching them from a place of mutual vulnerability, making it a form of domination. This dynamic is a defining feature of sexual misconduct, particularly in abusive clergy relationships.

Any exercise of sexuality that violates appropriate vulnerability is wrong. This includes violations of the partner’s vulnerability and failure to express one’s own vulnerability. As Dr. Weger (2022) asserts:

• Rape is wrong not only because it violates the vulnerability of the person raped, but also because the rapist guards his own power and refuses to be vulnerable.

• Seduction is wrong because the seducer guards their own vulnerability and uses sex as a weapon to gain power over another. It becomes manipulation disguised as affection.

In a healthy, consensual sexual relationship, both partners relinquish their will to dominate and engage in mutual, respectful intimacy. When appropriate vulnerability is not present, the sexual encounter becomes harmful, upsetting, and abusive.

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The Layers of Harm

Clergy sexual exploitation of adults does not leave behind only one type of scar. Dr. Weger’s (2022) research identifies three interwoven dimensions of harm:

1. Psychological Harm – including complex PTSD, clinical depression, anxiety, spiritual crisis, and self-harming behaviours. Survivors often express a deep internal conflict between their faith and what was done to them in the name of it.

2. Relational Harm – such as broken marriages, severed friendships, estrangement from church communities, and the inability to trust or form new intimate connections.

3. Spiritual Harm - the spiritual betrayal has a profound negative impact. To be harmed by someone who represents God and the sacred can shake the foundations of a person’s beliefs about God, goodness, and safety. It is a type of trauma not easily explained, very difficult to process, and rarely understood by those who have not experienced it.

4. Practical Harm – the toll on employment, finances, and long-term well-being. Many survivors find themselves unable to return to work, particularly when their job was connected to ministry or faith contexts.

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Moving Toward Truth and Justice

For those who have been impacted by clergy sexual misconduct against adults, naming the abuse is the first step toward reclaiming agency. As Dr. Weger writes, when the definitions are clarified and the blame shifted back where it belongs—onto the shoulders of the one who misused power—victims and survivors can begin to reframe their own story. No longer must they carry shame that was never theirs to begin with.

We need a Church and a society that understands that these aren’t “affairs” or “lapses in judgment.” They are violations of sacred trust, often carried out under the guise of love or spiritual connection. And while the journey to healing is long, it starts with truth-telling—naming what was done and refusing to let silence be the final word.

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Seeking Support for Psychological Healing

If you or someone you know is experiencing or has experienced abuse—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—it is essential to seek psychological support. Healing from spiritual and sexual abuse is not a journey that should be navigated alone. With the right support, survivors can begin to reclaim their strength, rebuild their sense of self-worth, and move towards a healthier, more empowered future.

At Curated Mind Psychology, I provide compassionate, trauma-informed care to individuals recovering from abuse, including spiritual or religious trauma. If you are struggling with the psychological impact of past abuse or feel vulnerable in your current relationships, I invite you to book an appointment with me for personalised support. Together, we can work on building a path toward healing, safety, and empowerment. To learn more or to book an appointment, please visit the Curated Mind Psychology website.

References:

Bargh, J. A., & Chartrand, T. L. (1999). The unbearable automaticity of being. American Psychologist, 54(7), 462–479. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.462

de Weger, S E. (2022). (134) Stephen E. de Weger - A survivor based perspective of vulnerability in clergy misconduct ... - YouTube.

de Weger, S. E. (2022). Unchaste Celibates: Clergy Sexual Misconduct against Adults—Expressions, Definitions, and Harms. Religions, 13(5), 393. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13050393

Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.

Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Early Abuse. Harvard University Press.

Kennedy, M. (2003). Sexual Abuse of Women by Priests and Ministers to Whom They Go for Pastoral Care and Support. Feminist Theology, 11(2), 226–235.

Tobin, M., & Hedge, J. (2013). Appropriate vulnerability: A model for ethical sexuality. Christian Scholar’s Review, 42(4), 345–364.

Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner's Guide. Guilford Press.

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