Psychologist for Spiritual Abuse
Have you experienced hurt, confusion, or control in a faith setting that has left you questioning your beliefs, your worth, or your place in community?
Support is available. Spiritual abuse can leave deep emotional and psychological wounds—often accompanied by shame, isolation, or a sense of spiritual betrayal. Therapy offers a safe and respectful space to process these experiences, make sense of what has happened, and begin to rebuild trust—both in yourself and, if desired, in your faith or community. Healing is possible.
"Healing from spiritual abuse is about reclaiming your faith and your voice."
Information about Spiritual Abuse
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse is the misuse of religious beliefs, practices, or spiritual authority to manipulate, control, or harm individuals. It may involve using the Bible, God, or spiritual concepts to impose shame, guilt, or fear, resulting in a breakdown of relationships with God, self, and others. Spiritual abuse can manifest as the perversion of religious doctrine, preaching, or practices to exert power over others, often undermining their spiritual well-being and sense of identity.
This form of abuse may involve unjust control, coercion, or judgment by individuals in leadership or authority, but can also emerge from broader systems, church boards, or rigid belief structures that suppress individual freedom. Spiritual abuse often mirrors patterns seen in other forms of abuse, such as manipulation, gaslighting, and isolation, and may occur alongside verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, or financial abuse.
At its core, spiritual abuse distorts the intended purpose of spiritual guidance, exploiting trust and corrupting the sense of safety that faith communities should provide. It has far-reaching effects, including deep emotional and psychological harm, spiritual confusion, and disconnection from one's faith and community.
What are the core aspects of spiritual abuse?
Spiritual abuse often involves:
Coercion and Control: Leaders exploit spiritual authority to dominate, using intimidation, shame, or fear to manipulate behaviour.
Manipulation of Beliefs: Theological ideas are twisted to justify harmful actions or maintain power.
Denial of Spiritual Autonomy: Individuals are discouraged from trusting their own spiritual experiences.
Spiritual Gaslighting: Victims are led to question their own beliefs, perceptions, or connection with God, leaving them confused and disoriented.
Performance-Based Spirituality: Acceptance is tied to rigid spiritual standards, with emotional, psychological, and practical needs overlooked.
Exploitation for Personal Gain: Spiritual authority is misused to promote personal agendas or secure influence.
Isolation: Victims may be cut off from supportive relationships, increasing dependence on the abuser.
These behaviors exploit faith, creating confusion, shame, and disconnection from one's beliefs and sense of self.
What are the consequences of Spiritual Abuse
The consequences of spiritual abuse can be profound and far-reaching. Victims often experience unwarranted guilt and shame, imposed by those in spiritual authority, leading to a loss of identity as a faithful believer. This misplaced sense of responsibility can undermine their self-worth and spiritual confidence. Perhaps most significantly, spiritual abuse can result in alienation from one's faith, leaving individuals feeling disconnected from their spiritual community, beliefs, and even their relationship with God.
Spiritual abuse can have profound and far-reaching effects on mental health, including:
Emotional Impact: Victims may experience deep shame, guilt, anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression. Feelings of inferiority, resentment, and even suicidal thoughts are common.
Cognitive and Psychological Impact: Victims may struggle to trust their own perceptions, reality, or spiritual experiences, leaving them confused and disoriented.
Physical Impact: Stress-related symptoms such as high blood pressure, chest pain, fatigue, and physical deterioration can emerge.
Social Impact: Trust in authority figures may be severely damaged, often resulting in social withdrawal, loss of friendships, and isolation.
Spiritual Impact: Victims may become disillusioned with their faith, struggle to connect with God, and question their spiritual identity or sense of purpose.
These consequences can deeply undermine an individual’s identity, relationships, and overall well-being.
Seeking Support for Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse can leave lasting wounds—particularly when it occurs in the very places meant to offer safety, guidance, and belonging. Kylie is a registered psychologist committed to supporting individuals from religious communities and those emerging from high-control or spiritually harmful environments.
She offers a safe, non-judgmental space to explore and process experiences of spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and adult clergy sexual abuse. Kylie also supports individuals navigating the complex aftermath of abusive Christian marriages, helping them reclaim their voice and rebuild their sense of identity in a way that honours both their personal growth and spiritual journey.
Many who have experienced spiritual abuse struggle with trust, anxiety, depression, or feel lost in their faith. Kylie’s approach is compassionate, client-centred, and sensitive to the intersection of faith, trauma, and recovery—ensuring your healing is aligned with your beliefs and values.
As a psychologist, how much do you understand spiritual abuse?
Spiritual abuse is an area of particular interest in my practice. It can take many forms—sometimes it reflects clear patterns of coercive control, while at other times it emerges through shaming, manipulation, or rigid systems that erode autonomy and wellbeing. My own research has focused on control and coercive control, giving me a deep understanding of how these dynamics develop, why they are so damaging, and how they can be addressed in therapy.
In addition to my clinical training and research, I have also worked in both volunteer and work roles within Religious and Christian organisations. This has given me unique insight into how church and spiritual environments function—their potential for good, but also the ways power can be misused.
As a psychologist with faith, I recognise the central role spirituality can hold in people’s lives, and also the profound disorientation that occurs when trust in those environments is broken. This dual perspective allows me to walk with clients as they process harm, while honouring their faith journey and supporting them to find a safe and authentic way forward.
At this point I do not think I want to ever enter a faith community again, and I am seriously questioning my faith. Will you push me in that direction?
No. My role as a psychologist is not to push you toward any particular outcome in your faith or community life. For many survivors of spiritual abuse, the idea of returning to church—or even holding on to faith—feels impossible or unsafe. Counselling provides space to process that honestly, without pressure.
You will never be judged for questioning, doubting, or deciding to step away from faith communities. Therapy is about helping you recover from harm and trauma, rebuild a sense of autonomy and self, and find a path that feels safe and authentic to you. If faith remains important to you, we can explore that gently; if not, the focus will still be on your healing, growth, and wellbeing.
Is spiritual abuse always intentional?
Not always. Sometimes harmful patterns emerge from unhealthy systems, rigid traditions, or insecure leaders. Whether deliberate or not, the impact can still be devastating—leaving victims struggling with shame, anxiety, confusion, or even a loss of faith.
How can I recognise Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse can be subtle or obvious, but it usually involves patterns of control, manipulation, or exploitation under the guise of faith. Some common signs include:
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Coercion and control: Leaders use fear, shame, or intimidation to dominate and direct behaviour.
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Manipulation of beliefs: Theological ideas are twisted to maintain authority or justify harm.
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Denial of spiritual autonomy: People are discouraged from trusting their own spiritual experiences or hearing from God for themselves.
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Spiritual gaslighting: Victims are led to doubt their own perceptions, memories, or connection with God.
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Performance-based spirituality: Acceptance or belonging depends on meeting rigid standards, while real emotional or practical needs are ignored.
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Exploitation for personal gain: Spiritual authority is used to push personal agendas, seek influence, or secure resources.
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Isolation: Individuals are cut off from supportive relationships, increasing dependency on the abuser or group.
These behaviours exploit trust, leaving people confused, ashamed, and disconnected from their faith and sense of self.
deeply painful.
Can spiritual abuse happen outside of churches?
Yes. While it often occurs in churches or religious communities, it can also take place in schools, ministries, small groups, or even families where faith is used as a tool of control.
What makes spiritual abuse different from other types of abuse?
Like emotional or psychological abuse, spiritual abuse uses manipulation and control—but it adds a layer of faith. By twisting sacred texts, invoking God’s name, or misusing spiritual authority, it strikes at the core of a person’s identity, values, and relationship with the divine. This makes it uniquely disorienting and deeply painful.
I really want professional help for spiritual abuse, but I fear that a psychologist or counsellor won’t understand my faith, or will discourage me from returning to spiritual community.
This is a common and very understandable fear. Survivors of spiritual abuse often feel stuck—longing for professional support, but worried that their faith will be misunderstood or dismissed. Some describe feeling like they have only two painful options: “Who do you go to? A Christian, who is part of the system who hurt you, or someone who doesn’t understand your faith? You don’t go anywhere” (Oakley, 2024).
All good counselling should provide a safe space where both your pain and your spirituality are respected. My approach is trauma-informed and sensitive to the unique wounds of spiritual abuse, while also recognising that many people long to preserve or rediscover their faith.
The goal is not to push you away from God or community, but to support you in processing what has happened and to help you find your own path forward—whether that involves reconnecting with a spiritual community in a safe and healthy way, or taking time to explore what faith now means for you.
What kinds of things will we work on in counselling for spiritual abuse?
Counselling provides a safe, non-judgmental space to process your experiences and their impact. Together we might work on:
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Rebuilding a sense of safety and trust in yourself and others.
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Naming and validating what happened, without minimisation or dismissal. This may include understanding the psychological principles that contribute to high control spiritual environments and coercive control.
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Untangling feelings of shame, guilt, or fear connected to your spiritual life.
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Exploring how the abuse has affected your relationship with God, your sense of self, and your connections with others.
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Learning tools for managing anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms.
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Re-discovering personal values, boundaries, and spiritual autonomy.
Each journey is different, but the focus is always on restoring dignity, voice, and hope.
Is it possible to ever feel comfortable again in a faith community after spiritual abuse?
Many people find this one of the hardest questions. After spiritual abuse, even for those that desire it, returning to a faith community may feel frightening, unsafe, or overwhelming. For some, healing eventually allows them to reconnect with church life in a healthier way; for others, belonging is found in different spaces or new communities. Counselling can help you process these fears, rebuild trust at your pace, and explore what safe and meaningful spiritual connection might look like for you.
I have heard that some Christian counsellors use prayer and scripture in counselling. These are both triggers for me currently—will you do this?
As a registered psychologist, my focus is on providing evidence-based, trauma-informed therapy that supports your mental health and recovery from spiritual abuse. I very much understand that prayer and scripture have often been misused in spiritually abusive contexts. Therefore, the emphasis is always on creating safety, processing your experiences, and addressing the impact of abuse in ways that feel respectful and manageable for you.
As a psychologist who has worked in religious environments, I bring an understanding of how church and spiritual environments function, and shape identity, relationships, and mental health—for better or for harm. I also recognise that while faith may feel fractured and trust in spiritual communities deeply shaken by spiritual abuse, many people do not want to abandon their faith altogether. For some, part of the healing journey eventually involves finding a safe and authentic way to reintegrate faith into their lives. Therefore, if at a later stage, you decide you want to explore faith practices or reflect on how your experiences integrate with your faith, we can do so gently and only if you choose. This would always be approached within the framework of psychological therapy—not biblical counselling—and with care to ensure it supports your healing rather than re-creates harm.
One of the things I struggle with the most is that others now see me differently or blame me because I reported abuse, or left the church. Can counselling help me with this?
Spiritual abuse often involves scapegoating—where individuals who raise concerns or try to leave are blamed, criticised, or excluded. This can be deeply painful, as it damages reputation and relationships. In counselling, we can work through the grief of lost connections, address the shame and injustice of being scapegoated, and support you in strengthening a healthier identity that is not defined by others’ distorted perceptions.
Can spiritual abuse happen in a marriage or intimate partner relationship?
Yes. Spiritual abuse is not limited to churches or religious organisations—it can also occur within marriages and intimate partner relationships. In these situations, faith, scripture, or religious beliefs may be twisted to justify control, discourage resistance, or keep someone trapped.
For example, a spouse may misuse scripture about submission to demand obedience, claim that leaving the marriage is sinful, or suggest that God requires enduring harmful behaviour.
My research has focused on the use of coercive control in intimate partner relationships, and I have also worked as a Domestic and Family Violence Advisor within a faith-based organisation. This background gives me unique insight into how spiritual abuse and intimate partner violence can overlap, and how faith can sometimes be used to intensify control.
As a psychologist, I draw on both this research and my clinical training to help clients untangle harmful messages, process their experiences, and rebuild safety, autonomy, and dignity—while respecting the role faith may or may not continue to play in their lives.
I’m beginning to look back on my family of origin and early life, and I can see some patterns that now seem like spiritual abuse. At the time I thought it was just “normal” or part of growing up in a Christian home, but in hindsight it feels controlling, shaming and confusing. I’m not sure how to process this, and it seems to still be affecting me even now, including my relationship with my parents. I'm struggling to really understand what happened to me.
Spiritual abuse can unfortunately occur within homes, often through parenting practices rooted in control and the misuse of spiritual elements to perpetrate harm, instill fear, and inhibit healthy autonomy. This can silence a child’s emerging voice and undermine their development. Some parents cut off teenage or adult children for making choices contrary to family beliefs, which can create profound feelings of abandonment. At other times, parents may fail to act protectively when abuse is disclosed—whether out of fear of losing good standing in their faith community or because they assume the best of spiritual leaders and believe their child must be lying. All of these experiences can be deeply damaging to a growing child’s sense of self and belonging, and may contribute to the development of complex trauma.
The harm can also continue well into adulthood. Parents of adult children may still use scripture, prayer, or spiritual judgment in ways that perpetrate ongoing harm and restrict autonomy. They may imply that their children are sinful, disobedient, or unworthy if they make independent choices, set boundaries, or disagree with family beliefs. In some cases, parents may even cut off contact altogether. This ongoing pressure can reopen old wounds, reinforcing shame and leaving adult children feeling torn between loyalty to family and the need to live authentically.
Recognising these patterns later in life can be painful and confusing. For many, it explains long-standing struggles with guilt, anxiety, or difficulties trusting themselves and others. In counselling, we can explore both early and ongoing experiences, name them for what they are, and understand how they continue to affect you today. This process can help release misplaced guilt, support the development of healthier boundaries, and empower you to reclaim your own voice. Over time, many people find clarity, healing, and greater freedom to shape their identity and faith on their own terms.
