Spiritual Abuse: Understanding, Recovering, and escaping the invisible cage

Kylie Walls
Apr 7
7 min read

Understanding Spiritual Abuse and Coercive Control: The Path to Healing Begins with Support

Spiritual abuse is a deeply painful form of manipulation and control. Spiritual abuse involves the misuse of religious/spiritual authority to manipulate, dominate, or control, and ultimately to harm. While spiritual abuse can occur in a single incident, it often manifests as a pervasive pattern of behavior characterized by coercive control. Oakley & Kimmond (2018) define spiritual abuse as "a form of emotional and psychological abuse, characterised by coercive and controlling behaviour in a religious context."

The Invisible Cage: How Spiritual Abuse Traps You

Spiritual abuse can lead you to feel like being trapped in an invisible cage, a term used by Stark (2007) to describe the psychological and emotional confinement victims often experience. At first, the bars of this cage may not be obvious—there might be subtle manipulations, isolated demands, or gentle coercions that seem small at the time. But over time, these actions build up, creating a web of control that limits a person's freedom without them even realising it. This pressure creates a psychological and emotional trap, where the individual feels they cannot escape without severe consequences.

Like the invisible cage Stark describes, the victim may be unable to see the full extent of the control at first, because it is masked by spiritual beliefs and practices. But the result is the same: a loss of autonomy, self-doubt, and the feeling of being unable to leave, even when the emotional or spiritual damage becomes unbearable. The power dynamics that underlie this type of abuse make it incredibly difficult for the victim to break free, as the idea of resistance is often tied to feelings of guilt, shame, or fear of eternal consequences.

What is Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse often begins subtly. It might start as a well-meaning request or a "divine command" from someone in a position of spiritual power. But over time, this abuse grows—leading to a pervasive control that can feel suffocating and isolating. Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of religious authority uses their power to control and manipulate, often under the guise of God's will. The result? A profound loss of personal autonomy and emotional suffering.

Bethany Jantz, a leading voice on coercive control, once said: “In situations involving coercive control, the perpetrator is operating from a playbook that only the victim understands.” This hidden, unspoken set of rules can be incredibly difficult to explain to others, leaving victims feeling isolated, confused, and even questioning their own reality. That feeling—“I must be going crazy”—is all too common for those who have experienced spiritual abuse.

Some tactics commonly used in spiritual abuse include:

Isolation: The abuser isolates the victim from family and friends, sowing seeds of doubt and mistrust.
Intimidation: Constant threats, either subtle or overt, that control the victim's actions and beliefs.
Manipulation of Sacred Texts: Misquoting or twisting scripture to enforce guilt, control, or submission.
Abuse of Power: Claims of divine authority used to demand obedience and conformity.

Imagine a scenario where a spiritual leader might tell you, “God told me you must do this.” The pressure to obey is overwhelming—“or else.” The “or else” is often unstated but is deeply felt. It might come in the form of exclusion, punishment, or divine condemnation. The emotional cost is immeasurable.

Examples of Spiritual Abuse and Coercive Control

Spiritual abuse can take many forms. Some common examples include:

Using God’s Will to Pressure Obedience: Spiritual leaders may pressure individuals by claiming that "God told me you must..." This manipulation uses God’s will as a tool to enforce control.
Isolation: Leaders may separate individuals from their loved ones or discourage questioning the group, creating an environment where the victim feels trapped.
Shaming/Public Rebukes: Public humiliation is framed as "discipline," often in front of others, reinforcing feelings of shame.
Misuse of Scripture: Quoting scripture out of context to manipulate the victim into guilt or submission.
Manipulation of Forgiveness and Repentance: The concepts of forgiveness and repentance are used to avoid accountability or force submission from victims.
Gossip and Slander: Spiritual leaders may engage in manipulation under the guise of concern, such as gossiping about a person’s weaknesses, which can harm their reputation.
Misuse of Power in Counseling Settings: Pastoral counseling can be manipulated for emotional dependence, exploiting vulnerabilities. This often occurs when the leader crosses professional boundaries, using the lack of clear structures in faith-based counseling to manipulate individuals.
Exploiting Personal Information: A spiritual leader may use confidential details shared in counseling to further control or manipulate the victim.
Marriage Counseling in Abusive Situations: Encouraging victims to remain in abusive situations under the belief that it’s what God wants.
Perhaps one of the most disturbing form of spiritual abuse is Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation, or Clergy Sexual Abuse (with children and Adults). This occurs when a clergy member engages in any form of sexual contact with a congregant. It is not possible for genuine consent to exist in such an imbalanced power dynamic. This is often framed as "boundary crossing", or an affair. But it is an insidious form of abuse, and misuse of power. Many victims of clergy sexual exploitation carry the burden of shame and confusion for years, struggling with their relationship to faith and self.

Examples of Spiritual Abuse and Coercive Control in spiritual contexts

Spiritual abuse can take many forms. Some common examples include:

Using God’s Will to Pressure Obedience: Spiritual leaders may pressure individuals by claiming that "God told me you must..." This manipulation uses God’s will as a tool to enforce control.
Isolation: Leaders may separate individuals from their loved ones or discourage questioning the group, creating an environment where the victim feels trapped.
Shaming/Public Rebukes: Public humiliation is framed as "discipline," often in front of others, reinforcing feelings of shame.
Misuse of Scripture: Quoting scripture out of context to manipulate the victim into guilt or submission.
Manipulation of Forgiveness and Repentance: The concepts of forgiveness and repentance are used to avoid accountability or force submission from victims.
Gossip and Slander: Spiritual leaders may engage in manipulation under the guise of concern, such as gossiping about a person’s weaknesses, which can harm their reputation.
Misuse of Power in Counseling Settings: Pastoral counseling can be manipulated for emotional dependence, exploiting vulnerabilities. This often occurs when the leader crosses professional boundaries, using the lack of clear structures in faith-based counseling to manipulate individuals.
Exploiting Personal Information: A spiritual leader may use confidential details shared in counseling to further control or manipulate the victim.
Marriage Counseling in Abusive Situations: Encouraging victims to remain in abusive situations under the belief that it’s what God wants.

Furthermore, clergy sexual exploitation is often framed as a “boundary crossing” or mutual error, minimizing the impact and the power imbalance involved. This form of abuse often goes unrecognized or is not taken seriously.

The Deep Impact of Spiritual Abuse

The impacts of spiritual abuse are far-reaching, touching every area of life: psychological, spiritual, social, and even practical.

Psychological Impact: The scars of spiritual abuse aren’t just emotional—they can be deeply psychological. Victims often struggle with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, and a sense of self-doubt that can feel paralyzing.

Spiritual Impact: One of the most heartbreaking consequences is the spiritual damage. The relationship with God, once a source of comfort, may now feel distant or non-existent. Victims might find themselves questioning their faith, their worthiness, or even their right to believe.

Social Impact: Victims often feel cut off from family, friends, and faith communities. This isolation can deepen the sense of loneliness and grief, leading to a loss of support systems that might have once been sources of love and guidance.

Identity Conflict: Trying to reconcile personal beliefs with the religious teachings imposed by an abuser can create a deep internal struggle. The shame can become internalized, leading to a crisis of identity where victims may feel like they’ve failed or are “unworthy.”

Someone leaving a church will often express how their relationship with faith was altered after years of spiritual abuse: “I used to feel a deep connection to God, but now it feels like a distant memory. I’m not sure who I am anymore or where I belong.” The pain of losing that connection can be significant, and healing from it requires compassionate, expert support.

I’ve worked with individuals who’ve shared stories of being told that they were “disobedient” to God because they sought support outside of their spiritual community. These tactics are harmful, not just spiritually but emotionally and mentally as well.

The Road to Healing: Why Independent Support Matters

The journey toward healing from spiritual abuse can feel daunting, but it is not a journey that needs to be faced alone. One of the most important steps in healing is to seek independent support—someone with knowledge of trauma and spiritual abuse. As you work through the trauma of spiritual abuse, it’s essential to separate the harmful actions of the abuser from your own faith and identity. Healing from spiritual abuse takes time, and it’s a process that is best navigated with the help of someone who understands both the psychological and spiritual aspects of the journey.

“The path to reclaiming a feeling of safety and your sense of self is not linear, it's not simple, but there is hope.” This is something I remind all my clients, and it’s especially true when dealing with the deep wounds of spiritual abuse. Over time, you can work through the emotional, psychological, and spiritual scars, helping you regain control over your life and your faith.

At Curated Mind Psychology, I offer online sessions to clients across Australia, so no matter where you are, compassionate support is just a click away.

Book an appointment today and take the first step toward reclaiming your peace, your faith, and your life.

References:

Jantzi, B. (n.d.). Free From Control. Retrieved April 8, 2025, from https://www.freefromcontrol.ca/

Oakley, L. R., & Kinmond, K. S. (2018). Spiritual abuse in Christian faith settings: Definition, policy and practice guidance. Journal of Adult Protection, 20(3–4), 144–154.

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.

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