The BLOG · writing on therapy & GROWTHReflections on therapy, relationships, and the slow work of recovery from abuse and harm.
Articles exploring schema therapy, mental health, trauma recovery, and emotional wellbeing — For people doing the slow work of understanding themselves, their relationships, and the harm they've lived through.
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Soft Start-Ups in Relationships: Gottman Relationship Therapy Provides a Key to Better Communication
This article explains how soft start-ups—a concept from Dr. John Gottman’s relationship research—can help couples raise concerns without triggering defensiveness or conflict. By expressing feelings and needs gently rather than with blame or criticism, partners can protect emotional connection and work together more effectively. Using insights from Schema Therapy for Couples, the article also explores the deeper emotional triggers that lead to harsh communication and offers practical strategies, examples, and reflection questions to help build healthier, more connected conversations.
Family Estrangement: Grappling with the Pain and Confusion
A exploration of family estrangement, faith, trauma, religious trauma and boundaries — examining when distance becomes necessary and how healing can occur with compassion and discernment.
From Defensiveness to Dialogue: Tools for Healthier Interactions
Defensiveness is a common response to criticism, but it can harm relationships, families, workplaces, and faith communities. This article explores types of defensiveness, psychoanalytic roots, and impacts on communication. Drawing on John Gottman’s research and Schema Therapy, it provides practical tools to move from defensiveness to dialogue, strengthen emotional safety, and build healthier connections at home, work, and in spiritual settings.
“Why Am I Like This in Relationships?” A Look at Attachment and Emotional Reactivity
Attachment theory explains why we react the way we do in relationships. This article explores secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment styles, their links to emotional reactivity and conflict, and how therapy helps create healthier connections. Learn how early caregiving shapes intimacy, trust, and emotion regulation, and discover practical ways to heal insecure attachment patterns for stronger, more resilient relationships.
When Love Becomes an Invisible Cage: Recognising the Signs of Coercive Control and Emotional Abuse, and Religious Abuse
Coercive control and emotional abuse often begin subtly—masked as concern, faith, or guidance—before escalating into an invisible cage of fear, guilt, and isolation. This article explores the signs of coercive control, emotional and spiritual abuse, and the devastating psychological impacts. Learn how to recognise red flags in relationships, why early intervention matters, and how professional Christian psychology support can provide healing, autonomy, and recovery from abuse.
When Trust Becomes Vulnerability: Victims of spiritual coercion, exploitation, or grooming
Many people who have been groomed or manipulated in a religious setting ask the same question: was there something about me that made this happen? Written by a psychologist with a special interest in spiritual abuse and adult grooming, this piece explains what grooming and manipulation look like in religious contexts — and why vulnerability is never a personal failing.
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