The BLOG · writing on therapy & GROWTHReflections on therapy, relationships, and the slow work of recovery from abuse and harm.
Articles exploring schema therapy, mental health, trauma recovery, and emotional wellbeing — For people doing the slow work of understanding themselves, their relationships, and the harm they've lived through.
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The Pull in Two Directions: Enmeshment, Obligation, and the Longing to Be Free
Do you find yourself cancelling plans for family, editing what you say around your parents, or feeling simultaneously guilty for staying and guilty for pulling away? This article explores the psychology of enmeshment, the two competing parts of self it produces, and what healing can look like.
Soft Start-Ups in Relationships: Gottman Relationship Therapy Provides a Key to Better Communication
This article explains how soft start-ups—a concept from Dr. John Gottman’s relationship research—can help couples raise concerns without triggering defensiveness or conflict. By expressing feelings and needs gently rather than with blame or criticism, partners can protect emotional connection and work together more effectively. Using insights from Schema Therapy for Couples, the article also explores the deeper emotional triggers that lead to harsh communication and offers practical strategies, examples, and reflection questions to help build healthier, more connected conversations.
From Defensiveness to Dialogue: Tools for Healthier Interactions
Defensiveness is a common response to criticism, but it can harm relationships, families, workplaces, and faith communities. This article explores types of defensiveness, psychoanalytic roots, and impacts on communication. Drawing on John Gottman’s research and Schema Therapy, it provides practical tools to move from defensiveness to dialogue, strengthen emotional safety, and build healthier connections at home, work, and in spiritual settings.
Understanding Control in Relationships: Insights from Our Latest Research
Why do some people use control in relationships? Research led by psychologist Kylie Walls (2024) links controlling behaviours to insecure attachment, emotion dysregulation, and shame. This article explores how anxious and avoidant attachment styles contribute to unhealthy dynamics and how therapies like EFT, DBT, and shame resilience work can foster emotional safety, healthier communication, and healing in couples. Includes Christian psychology support.
“Why Am I Like This in Relationships?” A Look at Attachment and Emotional Reactivity
Attachment theory explains why we react the way we do in relationships. This article explores secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment styles, their links to emotional reactivity and conflict, and how therapy helps create healthier connections. Learn how early caregiving shapes intimacy, trust, and emotion regulation, and discover practical ways to heal insecure attachment patterns for stronger, more resilient relationships.
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